Starting something new is always difficult.
You’re setting yourself up for potential failure.
People might not realize you’re not as intelligent as you would like them to believe. Or maybe you will be forced to realize that you aren’t as smart as you think you are…
which would be the worse of the two because we all want to believe we’re pretty darn brilliant.
Embarking upon a new experience is easy when you’re young. With no frame of reference you figure anything is possible.
Naivety disguised as hope.
When we get older and carry plenty of failure under our belt, we become more apprehensive. We’ve figured out what we’re good at and we stick to it. It’s safe. It doesn’t require any extra brainpower and we’re pretty much guaranteed success. Oh, sure, we’ll learn something new,
just as long as no one is watching.
Case in point: one year I decided to take a watercolour class. I received the syllabus, bought the appropriate paper, brushes, paint, and palette and was in such a creative spirit I almost sprang for the artist’s smock as well. Then I went to the first class and discovered “beginning water colour,” meant only those artists who possessed an extensive portfolio. Senior citizens and college art students who, I believe, only enrolled so they can look like the experts
while the rest of us stood around mere troglodytes to their Monet
… or so I felt in all my artistic angst.
Predictably I only attended one class. I said it was because I had staff meetings or parent teacher interviews. It was really because I didn’t want to be “schooled” by a little grey haired lady in pink polyester pants.
And now that I’m nearing my own polyester pant phase I understand the need to only participate in something I know I can do, and do well, especially if I know it is going to be witnessed by others.
I have to say, I’ve been very disappointed in myself. Disappointment led to drudgery. Drudgery to anger.
I’m itching for change.
I want the blind faith of youth that I can do whatever it is I want to do
and not look the fool.
…. I’ve gone out and bought the pants.