…But then Phlegm and Bile Aren’t Very Ladylike

I’ve been feeling under the weather for the last couple of days but have been able to manage by perfectly timing the Gravol, Advil and peppermint tea without having to take the day off work. Last night, however, the damn dam broke and

the flu landed on me like a big ugly pterodactyl

pecking away at my head and innards.

You know the type. Where all you can do is lie there and literally moan “owwwww” with every wave of pain until the blessed medication permeates every cell and you can finally stop the pitiful noises.

Lovely image, I know, but then phlegm and bile aren’t very ladylike.

So between bathroom visits I emailed work to explain my absence. Medicated then crawled back into bed and slept until noon.

And I’m feeling a tad better, thank you very much, and may attempt consuming a couple of crackers. So now that I’ve surfaced I need something to do. Something that keeps me close to a washroom.

Reading makes me nauseous

as does every type of daytime drama.

I’d attempt at answering some work email but my tone will come across as curt and dismissive because I’m grumpy and impatient.

So I lie in bed and count the cracks in the ceiling.

Two. Well, that took no time at all.

I scroll through the podcasts downloaded on the Nano looking for something that will distract me for a few minutes. “Stuff you Should Know” has a piece on “How Lobotomies” work” I’m somewhat interested in. You never know when a lobotomy might come in handy.

Twirling pieces of my hair and tying them into knots distracts me for a while until I realize they’ll be hell to comb out and will only amplify the pain in my head even more when I try.

A bath might be in order. But that would require getting out of bed. And I expended most of my energy shuffling into the kitchen to get the crackers that are now thankfully sitting nicely in my stomach.

I know, I’ll put on a Harry Potter movie. Something that doesn’t require that I pay full attention so I can doze then wake and be mildly distracted by plot conflict that is familiar and an outcome I already know. Curiosity requires too much effort this afternoon.

So here’s hoping the rest and the healing that will happen today will give me the strength and fortitude to disinfect every surface of the condo tomorrow to keep away that pesky pterodactyl and he’ll alight on some other unassuming mortal.

So, my friends, be on the lookout and fortify your defenses through vigilant hand washing and healthy eating habits.

This public service announcement brought to you by “Knickknackery and Notions” the blog with the best in random thought. : )


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