The inability to Focus

I’m having an evening where my eyes don’t feel connected to my brain.

I try to read or mark papers or even to type these words but focusing is impossible. My eyes wander to the television

or to the view outside

taking my brain with them.

And I think about the episode of my favourite crime drama that is showing and I tune in momentarily but not long enough to make sense of the plot line before my eyes take my brain somewhere else.

To my computer screen to write a sentence or two

until the lights from the traffic outside my window distract me. And I wonder where everyone is going at this time on a Thursday night. But my thoughts don’t say here for long when my eyes revert back

to the screen with the type

and the brain tries again to fill the page

until the gunshots on TV distract me again.

I feel a slave to my optic muscles that seem to be driving the direction my thoughts and concentration.

And I feel stalled and frustrated.

Thoughts bobbing just on the surface but impossible to snag and direct anywhere substantial.

So I decided a hot bubble bath is in order, to calm the eyes

then the brain.

But the slow running of the toilet distracts me and I climb out wrapped in a towel to dig for my screwdriver in my junk drawer in the kitchen. Thinking “if I can just silent the toilet I can calm the eyes”.

Logic was thrown out the window hours ago.

Toilet fixed, bath taken. Lights off and curtains drawn

all in an effort to still the eyes.

No distractions.

And they stay fixed long enough on this screen to muster a conclusion of sorts.


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