It is three am and I have yet to fall asleep. I believe three to be the witching hour instead of midnight. It’s half way between the dead of night and the beginning of the day. Right smack dab in the middle of what is supposed to be a nice deep and restful sleep.
What is keeping me awake you may wonder? Well I know I certainly do. It could have been the mini cupcakes and ice cream I ate at my eight year old nieces birthday party. Or the fact she received a scooter that caused great excitement and noise and circumnavigating the dining room table a multitude of times.
But upon closer ponderance not a whole lot of sugar and caffeine were consumed on my part, and I only observed the scooter performance instead of participating in it myself.
Maybe my wakefulness is from over stimulation caused by the reality television program I was watching just before I went to bed. There was backstabbing and name calling and someone was dramatically fired!
But, I wasn’t at all emotionally invested in any of the players or the storyline playing before me.
Whatever the case, I’ve been thinking of all sorts of things in my wakefulnes.
The dentist appointments in my near future. I have to get all my old fillings redone. I love my dentist, she is a lovely, kind, competent lady. But I hate “going” to the dentist, if you know what I mean. I specifically detest the drill. Especially after a childhood trauma, where my dentist at that time froze one tooth, then started vigorously drilling on the wrong one. Brain numbing pain. Something a ten year old has nightmares about, and an adult remembers
late at night
while she’s trying to relax enough
to fall into a peaceful slumber.
Next, I was thinking of work and all the projects I have to finish before the end of the year. All perfectly underway and relatively under control. But I have a sneaky suspicion I scheduled a meeting on the same day I have my dentist appointment. And I have a looooooooot of paperwork to do. Hmm, maybe I now have an excuse to cancel?!
Interspersed between thoughts of the dentist and of work, I’m thinking of the remodeling I’m planning for my home. Nothing huge. Just paint and new flooring to start. But the idea of having to hire and coordinate and move stuff and putty cracks and get rid of old furniture and sort through old clothes and basically declutter seems tremendously overwhelming.
Good thing I can wait until summer to get started.
But soon the thoughts creep in that as soon as I repaint the walls and doors and ceiling and then replace the flooring, the countertops will look sad and old then they will have to go too. Then the light fixtures, then the window treatments then…and it will be a never ending project that I’ll have to live with for who know how long!
Then there are all those “extras” I have booked for the week. Acupuncturist and doctor and hair…home and body upkeep could be a full-time job if I let it.
And it’s not a matter of letting,
but rather one of necessity. I really do feel sometimes that I’m falling apart and only held together by fillings and medication and a good dye job.
Now I hear police sirens outside my condo. They don’t last long, but long enough to stir my interest and cause me to get up and look to see what the commotion is.
But, alas, someone elses drama is unfolding beyond the view through my window.
So I could read. But I’d rather write. And so I do.
For an hour. Until finally I can feel sleepiness slowly creep into my body and my mind.
Guess I’ll just have to crawl back into bed once I’ve spewed all of this out on my computer to see if sleep is finally waiting for me there.