Acute Acts of “Accessorization”

In the movie “Steel Magnolias,” Olympia Dukakis’s character Clairee Belcher says “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize”.

TRUE!

That being said, I admit to having problems with the whole notion of accessorizing. I think I have a decent enough sense of style. I try to go for classic and conservative (or at least I try to) which has left me with a closet of varying shades of black.

But truth be told, I’ve always been a bit envious of those who dared to be different. I am one who gravitates towards neutrals. Colours and hues that put me nicely in the corner of a room so that I can safely observe my surroundings and be a spectator to the interactions and behaviours around me. Only opting into the social dynamic when I feel it safe to do so.

So I’m thinking of braving a foray out into the world of accessories. My collection thus far is fairly limited: A brown leather wristband with a big leather red poppy. A silver bracelet with a big bulbous glass heart that looks somewhat like a set of buttocks if you merely glance at it casually, another bracelet with stones of robin’s egg blue with two charms, a silver chain bracelet.

Sensing a theme here?

Bracelets are safe, they can be hidden under a sleeve if need be.

A limited collection of adornment, I know.

I’ve always been envious of those who can make the same clothes look like a whole new outfit by merely adding scarves or brooches or, yes, a multitude of bracelets.

Maybe I’ll try hats. I wandered into two milliner shops (what the world needs is more milliner shops. They are all so civilized) in Victoria a couple of weeks ago and spent a good portion of an hour trying on hats. I didn’t buy one though. I couldn’t visualize how I’d wear it (I know, it should be as idiot proof as simply putting it on my head).

Maybe I need a consultant.

I wonder if males have accessory issues. Wristwatch? Check. Baseball cap? Check. Where I come from if you’re male, accessorizing your truck seems to take precedence. Lift kit, hubcaps…

But I digress.

Anyway, I’ve been buying scarves. I wore one on the last flight I took. When I bent over to retrieve my suitcase from the luggage belt I had images of it getting tangled and having my body dragged around and around and around in between all the luggage. Next I wore a scarf to work and as I was at the paper shredder I imagined…

Shudder.

Which leads me to conclude that self embellishment will lead to death by strangulation.

Do eye glasses count as an accessory?

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