Encore: The Yogi in Me

I’m sitting on the floor of my closet. Door closed. In the dark. Trying to meditate. It is cave like and quiet. A silent sanctuary where I can clear my mind and concentrate on my breathing.

I’ve been told I’m a shallow breather. I believe it. I get too wrapped up in what life throws at me and my mind preoccupied with figuring out why and what and how that I forget to fill my lungs.

So, I sit in the dark.

And breathe.

Legs crossed. Palms open on my knees.

Deep breath in.

And out.

In.

Out.

In…

…what is that smell? Someone in the building is cooking meat. It does not smell all that appetizing. Wild meat like moose or elk. It’s enough to make a person vegan. I don’t like moose meat. Elk sausage isn’t bad. Bear is awfully fatty. Funny I haven’t really had a burger in a while. I had a hot dog the other week. Roasted hot dogs are the best. With fried onions. I should really go grocery shopping. I’m out of milk and I need it for my oatmeal in the morning and for my coffee. I NEED TO BUY COFFEE BEFORE THE MORNING. Nothing worse than waking up to no coffee. And I have to get up early tomorrow….

STOP!

Concentrate. You’re supposed to be clearing your mind. Ommmmmmmm. Clearing the mind. Clear.

Deep breath in.

And out.

I hear polka music. The lady across the hall is playing her accordion. Hmmm…she’s not bad. Quite good actually, if accordion music is your thing. She says she’s a recording artist. I wonder who buys accordion music? Seniors? Now that’s stereotyping. I should really think outside the box more often. Maybe there’s a whole sector of young professionals who monopolize the accordion music market…could happen. Polka music and….SQUARE DANCING! I wonder if anyone square dances anymore. I loved learning how to square dance in gym in third grade. I always hoped I was paired with Raymond. I had a little crush on Raymond when I was in grade three. I wonder what he’s doing? The last time I saw….

Hey! You’re supposed to be clearing your mind. Seriously now. You can do this.

Breathe in.

And out.

In.

Out.

Is that the phone? I wonder if it’s the liquor depot calling with the wrong number again. Or maybe it’s a telemarketer. Telemarketers really annoy me. Could you imagine having THAT as a job? Being verbally abused on a daily basis. I wonder if you get an hourly wage or a commission? It can’t be all that fulfilling. Hours and hours of sitting at the phone trying to sell crap to strangers. The onset of call display has probably put a dent in all telemarketing sales. I really appreciate call display. I like the ability to screen my calls. Not that anyone needs to know, but sometimes you just don’t feel like talking to certain people. Some people take it SO personally when you screen calls. I don’t see what the big deal …..

*Sigh* You’re doing it again. You really have to try harder to clear the mind. Think of nothing. Nothing at all. Just try to clear your mind for five minutes. Ok, three minutes.

Maybe go for one minute.

Think of nothing.

Nooooothing.

Clear the mind.

Take a deep breath iiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn

Breathe ouuuuuuuuuuut

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

Ouuuuuuuuuuut

Did I turn off the lights on my vehicle?

Did I lock the door?

Did I pay the telephone bill?

Oh, I give up. Enough meditating. It’s too stressful.

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2 thoughts on “Encore: The Yogi in Me

  1. Oh Lisa!! That is exactly how meditation begins! Keep it up! Try imaginining those random thoughts going into iridescent bubbles and popping high above you…or leaves on a river… Or just focus on breathing!
    Focus !! Or say thank you thought then just breathe— but you know this! Now before you meditate the next time tell your mind- I paid the bills the lights are off, the telemarketer needs a job, polka music is a figment of your imagination and it’s okay to chant the name of my body… But Oooooom- not Ah Uh mmm! Also you can simply get together with me and we can meditate together! Love Aum

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