Putting the “Uber” in Uber-Windy

“Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” Oscar Wilde

Sorry Oscar but the wind this morning is worthy of note.

In an attempt to “pretty-up” my home I have painstakingly chosen and purchased a variety of blossoms to adorn my balcony. It was an arduous task because I have a south-west exposure that experiences severe heat…

and crazy-ass wind

so I have had to choose carefully.

Tough, hardy plants that were anything wimpy and delicate. And they’ve fared rather well. But today the wind is atrocious. The sky is clear and the sun is “full frontal” shining

but the wind is obnoxious and invasive.

My poor black velvet petunia is about to be caught in an updraft and spin violently off my balcony. But I’m not about to rescue it.

No.

I’m sitting protectively behind the glass of my window watching it writhe and shake as it is tortured by unseen hands.

I don’t dare put out my patio chair cushions (I have yet to do so this summer) as their constant flapping and slapping would annoy even the most auditory challenged senior in my building.

Wind chimes don’t stand a chance.

I have opened windows, however, to get a cross-draft, stir the morning air around a bit as I begin to clean my home, but I’ve had to prop doors open with a pile of books and a clothes hamper so that they don’t slam shut and cause my heart to jump in my throat.

Then spend the rest of the day simmering down.

So what is there to do on a windy summer’s day? Definitely not the kind of wind in which to go fly a kite, unless you wouldn’t mind string causing your palms to burn in a futile in a tug of war.  Water fights are nothing more than exercise in self-abuse, water spraying back in your on face instead of the face of your opponent. Sailing? Difficult when you’re on the prairies and even if you can find a body of water large enough it’s not as if it would be a leisurely sail, no, you’d be skiffing the top of the water like a stone. Campfires and wiener roasts are out of the question because of the fire hazard.

Honestly, there really isn’t a whole lot one can do on an uber windy day but to listen to its demanding howl

and write about it.

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